chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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