i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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