it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
