I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
be right there i have to get my cape
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
