I'm so fucking centered right now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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