smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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