Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
