uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
