Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
