I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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