the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
