is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
