Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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