hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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