Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
