the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
