Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
