I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
