I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
