You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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