never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
