i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
