you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
