i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize