I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
