A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
