i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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