i permit you to call me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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