i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
