1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
