I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
