dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
