wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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