I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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