this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
