Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
