Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize