No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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