So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
