He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
