Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
