i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She said her name was "party"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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