How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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