Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
