i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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