I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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