someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let's get the cat blown out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
