just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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