Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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