Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
