new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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