I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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