I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
