Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
