I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
