I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
