I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
