You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
