Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
