It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
