His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize