I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
