Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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