Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
