i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
