Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
