If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
