And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
