I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
