Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
be right there i have to get my cape
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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