dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize