I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
