Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The best revenge is premature balding
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
