Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
