I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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