I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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