my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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