I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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