I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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