when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
