did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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