When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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