i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
