some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
try to milk me bitch
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