All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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