so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
