PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize