Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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