i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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