I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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