I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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