I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
