If i come over, it means nothing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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