Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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