Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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