I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
