If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
