just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
