my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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